5 Cool Ideas™ for Being a Better Joke Teller
By Michael Angelo Caruso

My father had a terrific sense of humor. He only told good jokes and he could remember them forever. Below are 5 Cool Ideas for being a better joke teller and five jokes that illustrate each idea. These jokes have been published in my audio book, “Dear Michael Angelo – A Father’s Life Letters to His Son,” which is available at EdisonHouse.com.

1. True stories can be funnier than fiction. 
   Musician Fritz Kreisler was invited by a haughty society matron to play violin at her upcoming house party. He set a fee of $1,000. The grand dame agreed but told him, “You will not mingle with my guests.” “In that case,” Kreisler said, “my fee will only be $500.”

2. All humor pokes fun and critics are “pokable.” 
   A Viennese music critic died without leaving enough money for his burial. The critic’s friends approached a well-known composer and asked him to contribute. “What’s my share?” he asked. “Thirty kronen,” they replied. The composer thought for a second and said, “Here’s sixty kronen. Bury two critics.”

3. Clever jokes are better than dirty jokes. 
   A wealthy matron was so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decided to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Dozens of painters tried to match the shade, but none came close enough to satisfy the eccentric woman. Eventually, she located a painter who successfully matched the color. The high society woman was very pleased with the results and made sure the entire art community learned the artist’s name. At an art show a few months later, several artists cornered the painter and asked him, “How did you get the walls to match that vase so perfectly?” “I repainted the vase,” the painter said.

4. Self-deprecating humor is a sure bet. 
   I bought a new necktie. I really liked the design and the colors but I had to take it back. The clerk asked me what was wrong with it and I told him. “It’s too tight!”

5. Tell jokes using a series of three. 
   Three men were being considered for release from a mental institution.  The release board asked the first candidate, “What’s three times three?” 

        “One hundred and eighteen,” he replied.  The board chairman said, “Next!” 

        They asked the next patient the same question.  “What’s three times three?”

        The second man said, “Tuesday.”  “Sorry, you’re not ready yet, either.  Next!”

        They asked the third guy, “What’s three times three?”  The man said, “Nine.”

        “That’s wonderful!” the interviewers exclaimed.  “How did you arrive at the answer?” 
       

         “Easy,” the man  said, “I subtracted 118  from Tuesday.”

*Excerpted from the audio book, "Dear Michael Angelo -- A Father's Life Letters to His Son."